Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Going Back In Time

This is going to seem like a very strange post and it is. My emotions have been very low to say the least. I keep going through my mind of the hows and whys I was able to get pregnant and stay pregnant once, but it seems to elude me now. I understand that I am 4 years older, but I am a healthy person. I take care of myself and all my stats are great.

How many people do you know that would go back to one week before delivery when they are the size of a small house? How many would LOVE to endure the discomfort, pain and the inability to really do anything well? Who would trade my size now for this?

(I was huge people. There are few people I have seen in person or pictures that were as big as this with one baby!!!! Sorry for the full on skin picture, but it is the only one that give my actual size justice)

Me!!! This is one week before I delivered Walker (yes, I did get bigger.) I would trade places with myself now and go back. The things I would do differently and (alot of) things I would do the same.

I mad, frustrated, angry, hurt, disappointed, disillusioned and don't get me started on the conversations I have had with and about God lately. He has set a path for our lives, but can I just say I am not happy about mine right now. In the grand scheme I know that it doesnt matter what I want or think it should be, but I have to live this every day and I want a say too.

Crazy, selfish, un-Christian like? Maybe, but very very truthful. It is almost impossible for me to explain the pain and anger that I feel these days. The life that is laid out in front of me that I have to live whether it is my choice or not.

Back to figuring out how to suck it up and be thankful for the things I have (there are alot of them) and forget about the things I want.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Some Entertainment

This is what I did this week. Although, I am a dumb-dumb and didn't take my real camera, I had to resort to my phone/camera. Which by the way, I barely know how to use. So can you guess who was almost close enough for me to jump over the rail and touch? Or who my friend Anna did get to touch? He was standing on a little platform built in the seat next to her? That she offered to me earlier on in the concert?

Keith Urban!!!! (and Sugarland opened for him)

There he is on stage, you can only see him on the screen behind.

And last but not least me. Yes, I did get all my hair cut for the summer. I love short hair. I was so glad to get rid of that mess I had going on. It appears I may need to think about some Botox too?!?!?

We had a blast and it was nice to get out and enjoy myself during a really crappy week.
Hope you all had a good week.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I Stink At Blogging!!

I have been terrible, I know. We have had company for the last 10+ days, so I have a small excuse. Pictures will be coming of Part 2 of the 40th birthday soon.

What I have learned after having a family of 5 in my house (3 kids - 5 and under) is that my life is very simple and QUIET!! haha. We LOVED having them for their family vacation. All of us, including Doc (my 9 1/2 yr. Lab) are exhausted.

The amount of energy those kids have and require you to have is amazing.

Maybe God has really been trying to tell us that we just aren't cut out for it?!?!?!