Sunday, May 31, 2009

Part 1 of The girls 40th Birthday Weekend

Two of my roommates from college came into town to celebrate the 40th birthdays. Although, we missed Kari she will be here tomorrow with her family. We will celebrate her birthday too. We aren't used to not having all four of us together, but we tried to have fun.

The second 8 hour day in the pool. Loving life with a pool in the backyard.

Loving the sun together.

Hmmmm, too much fun had by some???

We still look pretty good huh??
Love you guys! I wish we were still within walking distance of each other. Glad we can still pick right back up after this many years.
Happy Birthday tomorrow Kathi! Happy Belated Birthday Kari and I look forward to seeing you and your family tomorrow.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Another One Bites The Dust

Another cycle that is. We did a SOIUI (super ovulation inuterine insemination) and although we had 5 good size follicles (4 smaller ones), estrogen over 1000 and 9.4 million gradiant prep dice. No pregnancy, no baby.

I am sorry that I didn't share that we were doing a cycle, but we kept it on the down low. Thinking it would be easier if this was the outcome and we had ANOTHER failed procedure.

Thank you to all of you would prayed for us even though you didn't know what to pray for specifically. We felt the prayers and support. What seems to be harder and harder to accept is that GOD does not think we should have another biological child. While some of you think that is ok we can adopt, you are right, BUT I have this incredibly STRONG desire to birth another child.

It is so hard not to feel like a failure, to feel less of a woman, to be a wife that cannot provide what most every other women seems to do so easily. While you can tell me that I am none of those things and that my husband loves me regardless, I know that you are right. It doesn't stop me from feelings those things.

Hope and Faith were two things that I refused to give up while going through procedure. Well now that it has failed yet again....these are two things I am struggling to keep in my vocabulary.

I really appreciate all of you and your hope and faith for us.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I am still Walker's Mom

Sunday sucked again. For the 2nd year in a row, my husband had to work. I would have gone home to be with my mom had we had a little more notice, but that isn't how it works with police officers.

I decided to stain the deck on my screened in porch. It took me ALL day. I had Christian music playing and some soul searching with lots of conversations with GOD.

Regardless of whether I will have more children either physically or adopted, I am STILL Walker's mom. Sometimes it hurts so badly knowing that I don't get to parent him here on earth, that I miss the memories we had on our only Mothers Day together.

Today the pain has subsided from Sunday and I am so happy that I am still his mom.

I LOVE YOU WALKER, your mommy misses you.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


I have been a blogger slacker. I haven't done well on keeping up with yours and have certainly not kept up with mine.

Congrats to you on your BFP's (big fat positive) and on finding out the sex of your newest additions. You all have been very blessed.

As I mentioned last time we have alot going on in our lives right now. None of which I feel comfortable talking about still, but totally appreciate all of the positive words and prayers. I promise I will fill you in when I am able.

This past weekend we received some very sad news that a fellow classmate from high school died in a freak accident. She was 37 years old and at her child's track meet. There is some conflicting news still on exactly what happened, but she was headed to the infield to meet with her child and hit her head. She died instantly.

HOW???? How do these absolutely unnecessary tragedies happen? I lost a child before he ever got to be in the prime of his life. Before he got to crawl, talk, walk, play sports, attend church/school, tell me he loved me, find the love of his life, get married, have children, etc.

She was in the prime of her life. Married her high school sweetheart and had two children. Living the dream she had as a child growing up. I am so sadden for her family and friends. Please pray for peace for her family. This type of grief is so difficult, so unimaginable. You cannot prepare yourself for this. Pray that her child does not carry any guilt that this happened at his sporting event. It is so easy to accept responsibility in situations that you shouldn't.

Life throws you so many curves balls you cannot anticipate, get out your mitts we can catch them if we try. Life is not impossible if you concentrate on what matters.