Monday, December 28, 2009

Almost a New Year

So it is upon us again. It is amazing how fast the years just seem to fly by. Remember when you were just a young child you couldn't wait to be older. Just wanting to be a teenager, then to get your driver's license, then college, then 21. It seems like it was ok to stop after that for me:-) All kidding aside, it does seem like all the good milestones happened as a kid/young adult.

Now we have work and responsibilities that take up all of our time. What happened to Christmas break, Spring break, Summer break? Why don't companies give us more of those? Oh well, we can still dream as adults can't we?

So another year is here (or almost) and life has still not given me all that I hoped it would. Maybe this year will be different. Maybe this still mounting grief and pain will ease, maybe a baby will come into our lives one way or another and maybe just maybe I can say that life doesn't suck.

I don't make New Year's resolutions, but I will make a promise to try harder at everything I do this new year and pray that God helps me become a stronger Christian!!

God Bless you all and be safe this coming holiday!!!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Is it Too Late?

A Christmas tree, is is too late to put one up? The month has gotten away from me and being that I am not really in the spirit of the sensational part of the holiday this year, I didnt decorate. My parents got here late on Sunday night to undecorated house to celebrate the holiday. The true meaning of Christmas is not about all the glitz and glamour it is about celebrating the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ.

In the grand scheme of things as long as our hearts and mind are in the right place, I guess it doesn't matter I don't have a tree. It is surely a lot less to clean up and put away.

Today marks the 2nd anniversay of my sweet Riggs going to heaven. RIP my sweet boy, you were the best dog ever.

Merry Christmas all, with or without a tree:-)

Sunday, December 13, 2009


Don't Tell Me Please

Don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want him here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don't tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don't tell me to face the fact he is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say his name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.

Author Unknown

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Difficult Time of Year

This time of year is just HARD. I try to get in the spirit, the festivities and the mood, but it is hard. I miss my baby, I miss the babies I will never have and Christmas morning as a family. To see the joy on my childrens faces as they open those gifts that were top on their wish list. I am sad and lonley for Walker.

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.
James 4:9

His presence near you brings comfor and peace and renewal and refreshing and increased desire to stay close to him always, although full satisfaction for your longing soul He reserves for heaven. Nothing else does what His nearness does.

click here for the rest... it did give me hope.