Wednesday, August 26, 2009

If you cant say something nice.....

You know the old saying, everybody has been told it at one point in their life. Well, it sums up how I feel about almost everything. I don't have alot of nice to say about anything. I am in a 3 year rut. Grumpy, sad, pissed, sad, angry, sad, sad and sad. Depressed, I am sure.

What I can't seem to get over is "accepting" my life the way it is. I am sick of it and I know that those around me have to be too. I don't really talk about it much anymore because nothing new really comes out of my mouth. Repeat, repeat and repeat.

I am still on my boycott, being mad at God. is exhausting and overwhelming. It is time for me to get over myself and start to figure out what God has for me. I am actually desperate for it, living thru this anger is tooo much work.

I recently read a blog of another couple that lost their daughter when she was two days old. Their faith in God is actually unbelievable to me, cannot even remotely image myself being that dependant on God. Believing and hoping that my Faith can grow to be like that is inspiring. Here is their story.

God wants more for me and from me.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Making New Friends

The past week has been filled with a lot of emotion and sadness. Along with it we have had the opportunity to make some new friends. Our friend Diane's funeral was last Thursday (August 13th) it was sad for all us espically her husband and her family. There were so many questions left that nobody will ever know the answers to. It broke my heart to listen to the what if's, If I had just, how could we not have known, etc. It is now time for the healing to begin. What a long road it will be, but a path they must follow.

Diane's husband is from England. They had moved back here to the states a couple of years ago and lived in Arizona. He has some very dear friends that flew in from Ireland. We were fortunate to have them in our home for most of their trip.

It was incredible to meet these two men. To listen to their lives and traditions and how many of them varied so much from ours it was hard to even imagine. They are both police officers there and had so much to talk with my hubbie about.

We as Americans have no idea of what it is like to live in a constant war zone. To listen to a normal day at work for them had me dumbfounded. How sheltered we really live here in our country. Although I never intentionally take our "peace" for granted, I realized talking to them I sure do. We are so fortunate here. The bombings, riots, the raids, the streets being filled with angry mobs, etc. WOW!!!

What a sad circumstance to have met some great people that we hope to stay friends with for the rest of our lives. Diane brought an opportunity to bring us all together to say goodbye to her and hello to each other.

Rest in Peace, Diane.

Thursday, August 6, 2009


We are all motivated by different emotions. Anger, fear, sadness, jealousy, greed, etc. It is amazing how we react to all these different emotions.

I am tired and sad tonight. We were woken at 3am to be told one of our friends had taken her life. We are so terribly sad for her husband and family. It breaks my heart that she felt like she was in a place so bad that she couldn't reach out to any of us. That none of knew that she was hurting so badly or struggling with things we were not aware of.

We dont have all of the horrible details since they live out of state, but we are praying for peace for all those that loved her. Loss is so difficult to live with. It tears you apart bit by bit, you are never the same. With situations like this, the guilt that you leave for those left behind is an emotion that can never be resolved. You have left the what if's and the why's that can never be answered.

Use whatever resources you have in your life. You are loved by more people than you can ever imagine. Reach out, somebody wants to help you and be that shoulder for you.

Death, a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Reach out, love your neighbor, love each other.