Monday, May 18, 2009

Another One Bites The Dust

Another cycle that is. We did a SOIUI (super ovulation inuterine insemination) and although we had 5 good size follicles (4 smaller ones), estrogen over 1000 and 9.4 million gradiant prep dice. No pregnancy, no baby.

I am sorry that I didn't share that we were doing a cycle, but we kept it on the down low. Thinking it would be easier if this was the outcome and we had ANOTHER failed procedure.

Thank you to all of you would prayed for us even though you didn't know what to pray for specifically. We felt the prayers and support. What seems to be harder and harder to accept is that GOD does not think we should have another biological child. While some of you think that is ok we can adopt, you are right, BUT I have this incredibly STRONG desire to birth another child.

It is so hard not to feel like a failure, to feel less of a woman, to be a wife that cannot provide what most every other women seems to do so easily. While you can tell me that I am none of those things and that my husband loves me regardless, I know that you are right. It doesn't stop me from feelings those things.

Hope and Faith were two things that I refused to give up while going through procedure. Well now that it has failed yet again....these are two things I am struggling to keep in my vocabulary.

I really appreciate all of you and your hope and faith for us.


Kelley Smith Style said...

i wish i had some words for you but, i don't. just know that we love you and are praying...praying that the desire of your heart would be fulfilled or that THE LORD would reveal a NEW desire.

Dani said...

God, I pray right now that you would be with Dani. I pray that you would grant this desire she has in her heart. I know she desires to be in your will and she desires to do what you would have her to do. She seeks you and loves you. I just pray that you would hear her hearts cry to bear a child and grant her that desire. God she is searching for the next step in this journey and I pray that you would give it to her. Reveal to her your path you would have her take. If she is not meant to have a bological child God give her the desire you want her to have. I truly believe that you would not give her such a strong desire for a baby if you didn't want her to have one. PLease God be with her.


Love ya and am praying!!

Lee-Ellen said...

hugs and prayers. God has a plan even if we don't see it or begin to understand it, its there.