Friday, September 11, 2009


Tonight I am extra tired. I finished reading a book and it hit me really hard. It was about a man engaged to a women he was "supposed" to marry. Of course he meets his soul mate and breaks off his engagement. There were fields fire (rural Kansas) and the fiancee' severely burned and the soul mate died. The fiancee' died in the hospital and was revived. Long story short while she was down, the soul mate came back in the fiancee's body when she was revived.

I didnt really do the story justice, but it touched my heart to the core. What a story! I couldnt help but think of Walker. Some days it overwhelming how much I miss him and wish that he was here living with me in some form. I completely broke down. It was uncontrolable sobbing. It must have been long overdue. Now my eyes are completely swollen and I am exhausted.

Along with this mini-breakdown, I have not been feeling well. My last IF treatment was the end of May. They take a real toll on your body and hormones,but it has been months so they should be out of my system. I have several different blood tests, but nothing seems to show up. I am tired, slight weight gain, emotional, etc. Plus, no AF for two months. Yes, I have been tested and No I am not pregnant (unfortunately) Never ever in my whole life except when I was pg with Walker have I ever missed a period. I started my period about 5-6 weeks after I had Walker and was breastfeeding. When we lost Walker and I was in serious grieving and stress I had a period. Every 28 days, always.

So there is no rhyme or reason to what is going on with me, but I don't feel good. I am going to have my thyroid tested and see what comes of that. Anybody out there had anything funky go on with their bodies??

Or am I just specially weird:-)??

2 comments: said...

I am so sorry for the losses that have taken place in your life.

That book sounds like it would bring on a break down though. Last year afer my 1st miscarriage and friend's suicide I had waves of being ok and waves of horrible, horrible days. I hope tomorrow finds you filled with hope and love.

Katie said...

Dani ~

Thank you for your sweet words. I know it's not always easy to share your heart. You are a precious sister in Christ.

Walker is SUCH a handsome little guy. Wow. I love that you planted a tree in his honor, and I hope the red color is bright and beautiful this fall.