Saturday, July 11, 2009

Terribly Unexciting

There is NOTHING exciting going on around here. We are doing ALOT of home improvements to get ready for a couples wedding shower on August 8th. It is great for me because hubby has to do all the projects small and large that I have wanted done for months (years some).

To give you an update of what is going on with increasing the size of our family....nothing. We have decided to do nothing. We will not be doing any more fertility treatments, no DSS foster/adopt and no private adoption. We will be trying to accept that the life we currently have is the life we will have always.

I have decided for me that the emotional rollercoaster of adding to our family is too much for me. If we are meant to have more children, then they will have to drop into our lap, literally. If there is a child or newborn out there that finds their way to us ,who knows through what route, we will consider adopting. Only by the grace of God will I ever get pregnant again. (very unlikely)

On that note, I am still pretty angry at God on where I am with all of this Walker, baby, pregnancy disappointment. I have not really worked out where it all fits in to my life right now. I joke that I have boycotted God. Honestly, I am not really joking. My feelings on all that are so jumbled and selfish that there is no point in trying to explain them, because I have a tendency to go in circles.

For those of you whose faith is still strong and intact, please pray for me (us) because I just don't have it in me to do it anymore.


Dani said...

I prayed for you today! I will continue to do so!!


kjames106 said...

Hey girl! I wanted to share this website with you. I'm sure you already know about it, but just in case.

I hope that is ok. You are in my prayers.