Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to me! The last year of being in my 30's!! Whew, were has the time gone.

The last three years I have "gotten through." It is really all I could manage. Each day I would say today was going to be the day I started to really live again. That day will never come, I will never live again like I did when my son was alive. Now I live with a hole in my heart that will always be there.

What I hope for in the next year while I am still young and in my 30's (:-)) is that I can accept what I do have each day. Try not to live in the past and hope for something in the future. Just live that day to its fullest. It will not be easy, there are so many things I miss and regret that I dont have, hope for still.

My struggle with God still battles inside my head and heart. My hopes are that although I think he is a cruel God for the things I have had to deal with, I hope that what he is needing me to know/learn will soon be evident to me. That the lesson that is there for me can someday be used to help somebody else that is in pain like I have been.

Happy Birthday to me!!