Sunday, October 26, 2008

Absolutely Nothing to Contribute

I have had nothing to say lately, which for those of you that know me personally is a miracle. I really have so much going on in my head that none of it can be made in one great post. I love Fall, I love the smell in the air, the colors all around us, pumkins, Halloween costumes for kids and all the family things there are to do. I hate Fall now.... just kidding.

We went to the apple orchard last Sunday, the weather was beautiful. I knew before suggesting the trip that it would be filled with families. It was, but it was okay. As time has passed though I find myself being jealous of the little boys running around picking apples from the trees from their daddies shoulders or feeding the goats and sheep on the "little farm" area. I kept imagining what Walker would be like at 2 1/2 years old, how much fun would he be having? Everytime I saw a little blonde hair boy toddling around it tugged at my heart and filled my eyes with tears.

The green eyed monster, jealousy, is a horrible feeling. It doesn't do anybody any good, but very hard to get rid of completely. Although, I am getting better at enjoying other peoples children again, I leave feeling very empty and lost.

Our pastor today asked us all today if we were lost. If we knew God in such a way that we knew without a doubt that if we died today we would go to Heaven. It was a tough question. Sitting in my chair, I prayed for forgiveness of my sins, including jealousy, anger, frustration and begged God to save me. I want to know that I am not lost permanently, just on a really curvy road of life. All of these things that have happened to us and the ones that will happen to us, will just lead us to the ultimate place we were meant to go, Heaven.

Where I will live eternity with our great Father, who has created the most beautiful apple orchards that I will get to take Walker to any day we choose.

Thank you God, for what you have done in our lives and continue to do. Please forgive me for the times that I am so obsessed with myself that I forget about you. Lord, open my head and my heart to know you in those times and feel you arms around me when I feel like I am falling.

No comments: